Friday, March 24

Archives: Why Zombies Suck

Part I

To all the zombies out there; you guys suck.

What's probably worse than a zombie is a movie about zombies, or more to the point; people getting killed by them.

Let's get down to business:
How do you get yourself killed by the equivilent of a vertical slab of decomposing meat that's moving so slowly at you it might as well be going backwards (hitting/impaling yourself with one doesn't count).

I've seen legless donkeys blowing in the wind going faster then zombies.

What to do if you see a zombie coming after you -
1. Sprint in the opposite direction for a good 5 minutes and stop.
Chances are you can stay in that spot for the rest of your life and die of old age before the zombie catches up.
2. If it does manage to catch up to you without decomposing first (we're talking the Linford Christie of zombies here), just give it a good hard poke in the ribs. This will most likely cause the zombie to meet it's end through falling apart.

What not to do but always happens in movies -
1. Run in slow motion only to trip over that pesky thin air that came out of nowhere. Then proceed to stare in horror at the slab of meat moving at you until it gets to you and starts eating your brain.
This = death.

2. Run and successfully not fall on your face, but lock yourself into a car or basement or other immobile death trap. Now just sit around (for what's probably in reality a few days but typically a few minutes in movies; think teleporting zombies) and wait for your friendly neighbourhood ghouls to show up and start slamming their faces against the windows.
Now add in some panic and congrats genius, you've succeeded in slow painful suicide, or homicide, if you decided to bring the wife and kids with you.
Good going.

Basically, zombies = lame.

That means you Ben.

Meanwhile, amuse yourself trying to build a marshmallow gun here [link]
Defend yourself from those zombies today, all you need is a few tubes and some marshmallows.


Part II

I'm sure you all remember my rant on zombies before? and surely enough the insanity continues.
Partially sparked by what I ate earlier while watching a Japanese zombie movie; while munching I had a brilliant idea:

Have you ever thought about the supposed domino effect of going back in time, modifying something tiny and insignificant and it having a major effect many decades later?

Well how about if someone went back in time and slapped the guy who invented the idea of zombies with a giant blueberry waffle.

Maybe then, we'd have movies like Dawn of the Waffles and Death Before Breakfast etc. instead of this zombie crap we have to put up with.

Sounds good to me, and besides, a vibrating waffle would prolly move quicker too, so you get less of the waiting and more of the action... whatever that might be.

And you know what else, instead of the common mix up between zombies and ghouls, you could instead have the savoury potato waffles versus the sweet dessert waffles.

Ahh life would be so much better.

Have a nice day.

*throws a waffle*

Monday, March 13

Archives: Random Quote Library

A very outdated but still vaguely amusing list of quotes from yours truly, and recorded by me and my friends. As per requested.


[04:51:38] Yin: cant find any rabbits on there
[04:51:51] Yin: gonna die from lack of squashy looking rabbit syndrome

[19:22:59] Mei: well
[19:23:05] Mei: he has the green laser pen
[19:23:09] Yin: steal it
[19:23:12] Yin: blind him with it
[19:23:14] Yin: and then run like someone stuck a sharpened baguette into your behind

(20:05) Donut: dude you sound like a muffled ferret down a gutter being stabbed by a needle

[19:23:12] Yin: no really, stop before that chair gets revenge for you tripping over it
[19:23:16] Yin: chairs are lethal when provoked

[23:38:38] Bob Dole: lol u got owned donut
[23:38:42] Yin: owned like your face

[06:07:31] Tithe of Dep: omg hahah oh damn thats so ugly
[06:07:58] Tithe of Dep: hahahah
[06:09:24] Yin: joe i thought i told you to stop playing with that mirror
[06:09:29] Yin: you might hurt yourself

[01:55:12] Yin: run away
[01:55:15] Yin: before i strike you down with this used tissue

[07:05:34] Yin: you spiderman wannabe
[07:05:40] Tithe of Dep: hahahah
[07:05:51] Tithe of Dep: dont make me kill you with me webs
[07:06:06] Yin: joe thats a spoon
[07:06:13] Tithe of Dep: lies
[07:06:18] Yin: like your face
[07:06:43] Tithe of Dep: you called my face a spoon?
[07:06:49] Yin: that's not what your mom said
[07:06:50] Tithe of Dep: WTf is up with you nubcakes
[07:06:59] Yin: like a fox
[07:07:09] Tithe of Dep: WTF
[07:07:12] Yin: pwned
[07:07:19] Tithe of Dep: I swear you guys say anything
[07:07:32] Yin: that's a mirror
[07:07:50] Tithe of Dep: see like that
[07:07:54] Tithe of Dep: Randomness
[07:07:59] Yin: that's not what your face said
[07:09:21] Tithe of Dep: go play with yourself cause you and
mei get on that "I make no sense but its sense to me"
[07:10:06] Yin: like your mom

[23:07:22] Yin: oh
[23:07:26] Yin: did you get to the part where
[23:07:30] Yin: that girl gets sliced up
[23:07:33] Yin: that was good
[23:07:53] The night sh: lol i just seen the fisrt couple of secs
[23:08:35] Yin: ohnoes my arm
[23:08:38] Yin: ohnoes my other arm
[23:08:40] Yin: ahh my leg
[23:08:42] Yin: noo my other leg
[23:08:43] The night sh: i still downloading it
[23:08:50] Yin: then she was still alive
[23:08:52] Yin: and survived somehow
[23:09:03] Yin: after just being this stump with a head

[00:19:30] Yin says:
*stands inside a fridge*

[23:45:48] The night sh: how dam you
[23:46:01] Yin: i rulez0rz teh intarweb
[23:46:13] Yin: lo0l!!!11!
[23:46:23] The night sh: lol
[23:46:23] Yin: ph33r my 1337ness
[23:46:46] The night sh: nope
[23:46:52] Yin: damnz0rz j00
[23:46:58] Yin: b3n

[19:26:59] Yin: oh
[19:27:05] Yin: brb while i die then

[21:35:19] Yin: heh not really, but there's enough butter in this shortbread biscuit to make anorexic people fat just by looking at it

[01:50:05] Yin: if you're bored, pretend your face is a hammer and hit it against a nail
[01:50:18] Yin: well, it worked for the last guy i spoke to at least
[01:50:25] Yin: never heard from him again

[20:24:23] Yin says:
your hedgehog looks like a foot rest